Alice Catherine

It seems like all the changes I’d been waiting for life to throw at me, happened in the last couple of years. I’d been waiting for something to change career wise – I felt like I was floundering without meaning, I wasn’t sure what my calling was, or what I had to offer the world. I worked so many dead end jobs that I hated, and I’d often be hit with this overwhelming sense that I was just wasting my time…

It’s funny, but all those times you sit and wonder what the hell you’re doing with your life, often turn out to be the most crucial character building moments…

I don’t think I’d be in the position that I’m in today, had it not been for all the disasters along the way. And who knows, maybe I wouldn’t have invested so much time building something online, had my ‘real life jobs’ been entertaining and fulfilling. I’m not one of those everything happens for a reason people, you won’t find a ‘live, laugh, love’ sign hanging in my hallway either (gross). In fact, I can be down right cynical about the world at times – I have tendency to be one extreme or the other. I either completely over romanticise situations, or I think doomsday is around the corner and nothing will ever work out. Sunshine or showers. 

However, I strongly believe that if you want something hard enough, it will work out. Not always, but it might lead you to figure out something better. I think that time spent on something you’re passionate about, can only lead to positive things. I believe in sticking to what makes you feel the most alive, and that might not necessarily be the easiest option, it might not be the most financially stable option, but you won’t look back and regret time you invested in your own happiness… 

Working for yourself, or just heading on a new venture In general, often leads to growing and changing as a person. In the last year I’ve done so many things I never imagined myself doing – taking pictures in the street for all to see, travelling alone to meet new friends, endless meetings and phone calls with completely new faces…

And a lot of new anxiety. 

I always want to push myself to be uncomfortable and achieve new things – I think it’s a vital part of getting stronger and becoming the best version of yourself. Whenever I feel like something is getting too comfortable, or I’ve enjoyed being complacent for a little too long, I know it’s time to start something new. The next scary thing I’ve been avoiding. These things can often feel like a long scroll of shameful things when you experience anxious times, but that doesn’t make them any less significant.

In the last six months, I’ve experienced what I like to call growing pains. Not physical ones like the type that used to keep me awake at night as a kid, curiously checking the backs of my legs for new stretch marks each morning, and hoping I’d reach at least 5’7. I’m talking about the fleeting moments where you stop for a second a amongst all the madness and realise how much your life has changed. How certain people aren’t around anymore, and how so many new people have started to look familiar…

Sometimes heading in the right direction, means leaving little parts of yourself behind… 

Sometimes the best thing to do is to let those parts of you detach, like memories floating off into a time gone by. Always accessible, but no longer part of your present. If they aren’t useful to your life and who you’re trying to be right now, they aren’t worth overthinking, and they aren’t worth clinging onto. I guess these growing pains sort of arise out of not stopping to recognise how far I’ve come – from someone who had such poor mental health and low confidence, to someone who’s slowly learning to accept myself the way I am. From someone who couldn’t make rent, to someone who’s now completely self sufficient and learning to run my own business. I guess it’s a sense of being uncomfortable with being comfortable.

I’m not sure if that resonates with anyone, but it’s the best way I can describe it. A sort of adjustment period. Like moving from primary school to high school – suddenly your surroundings looking very different, and everything is very unclear. Then you can’t ever imagine leaving high school, and the same thing happens all over again when you leave. I think these stages of life never stop forming – there will always be new stages to get through, new levels to achieve, and new growing pains to experience along the way…

Alice x

Photographs by Adriana

Dress – Zara

Blazer – Beyond Retro

Shoes – Viscata (similar here) 

Bag – Zara

Sunglasses – Rouje

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